Peeking through the curtains, Kate could barely see through the fog that had gathered outside of her window like an ominous cloud. It was a gloomy night, the kind that added quickness to your step when walking the deserted streets alone. She shuddered, wondering if her neighbors were sound asleep without a care for what was happening around them. How they could sleep peacefully amid all of this was something she would never be able to comprehend. A flicker of light caught out of the corner of her eye made her close the shade quickly.
“Will you stop that,” a husky voice urged from behind her. “She’ll knock when she gets here.”
“I can’t help it,” Kate whispered into the darkened living room.
“Well try. We’re trying to be conspicuous, remember.”
Kate nodded and stepped away from the window. She joined her husband on the couch, feeling her way over the worn fabric for an empty space as her pupils adjusted to the dark. His shadowy face loomed over her and though she couldn’t see directly into his eyes, she knew he was glaring at her.
“You hate this idea. I know it.”
“I don’t hate this idea. I hate this situation we’ve been put in.”
“Carl...she’s my sister for crying out loud.”
“I know. I know.”
The emptiness in the room swallowed them up. It was harsh and cold, much like the fog lingering in the street.
“I wish there was a better way,” Kate said.
“Shhhhh.”
“What? It’s not like our house is bugged or anything.”
“You never know.”
A double knock followed by a single knock interrupted them. Kate searched for Carl’s face in the dark. She wondered if he could sense her panic. He rose quickly.
“Stay here.”
“No. It’s her. That’s the secret knock.”
She stood up and held onto his arm for balance. They both staggered to the front door cautiously. Carl released Kate’s grip after the indents of her fingernails pinched his skin. He fixed his eye upon the peep hold and Kate held her breath.
“Is it her?” she asked after a moment.
Carl stifled a laugh.
“What on earth could possibly be so funny?”
“Nothing about this is funny. I just can’t see a damn thing because you’ve got that darn flower thingy hanging over the peep hole,” he said as he pointed at the door.
Kate reached for the doorknob.
“Don’t. Just in case.”
“In case of what, Carl? How else are we supposed to know if it’s her?” She turned the knob and pulled back on the door. As the figure before her turned to face her, a breath of relief escaped her lips. “Dakota!”
“Let me in already!” Dakota begged.
“Come in, come in.” Kate stepped aside as her younger sister stumbled through the door carrying nothing more than a duffel bag. Kate checked the front step behind her to see if she had any more luggage. “That’s all you brought?”
“You’d be surprised at how much you don’t need when you have to pack to go into hiding.”
“Very funny.”
“It’s true.”
“Will you close the door before someone sees you!” Carl barked.
“Well it’s good to see you too, Carl.” Dakota gave him a slight roll of her eyes as she shut and locked the door behind her. “Besides, it’s four in the morning, I doubt any of your neighbors are awake.”
“Well, you’re here. I’m going back to bed,” Carl snapped. He kissed his wife on the cheek, more out of habit than anything else.
Kate sighed, then picked up Dakota’s duffel bag and tossed it near the stairs.
“You must be hungry,” she said.
“I see Carl is as charming as ever.”
“He’s just tired.”
“Right. I‘m sure that’s it.”
“Are you hungry?” Kate asked again.
“Well, the bus attendants didn’t offer peanuts like I had anticipated.”
“Cute.”
Dakota shrugged, “My head is spinning. I’m too much in shock to want to eat anything. I keep having to pinch myself to see if this is really happening or if it’s just some crazy nightmare.” They wandered into the kitchen with Kate leading the way. “Um, sis. Is there a reason the lights are off?”
“Carl didn’t want to attract any attention to us.”
“He’s losing it.”
“He’s just worried that we’ll get caught for harboring a...”
“It’s okay. I understand. You don’t have to say it,” Dakota said as she bumped into the kitchen table and fell into an adjacent seat.
Kate lit a candle and shielded the flame as she carefully brought it over to the table. She sat down across from her sister. It the soft glow, Dakota’s face seemed gaunt and pasty, like the color of plain cookie dough. Her eyes were sunken and outlined with dark, fuzzy circles.
“Jesus. You look like shit.”
“Jesus is the reason I’m in this mess.”
“No. The government is the reason you are in this mess. Jesus himself has no problem with you.”
“Tell that to Carl.”
Kate shook her head. She knew Carl disapproved of her sister. And though she had some conflicting issues with her lifestyle as well, she wasn’t about to turn her back on her family. Not now.
“Did you watch the news today?” Dakota asked. She rested her elbow on the table and caressed her forehead with her hand. Her long hair was tied back into a ponytail. She removed the rubber band that held her caramel locks and shook them free. Her hair clung to her hands, sticky and in need of washing.
“Carl had it on but I wasn’t paying attention. Do you want some tea?”
“If you’ve got some green tea.”
Kate rose and retrieved an empty flowered teakettle from the stove. She turned on the tap and let the water fill its belly.
“The President is calling it Operation Cleanse America. Can you believe that?” Dakota asked.
“After this, I can believe anything.” Kate turned off the water and set the kettle back onto the stove. The flame burst bright blue before it turned orange and released a steady flow of heat. “Give it some time. It will blow over.”
“I doubt it. Trust me, it’s going to get worse before it gets better. This is how it starts.” Dakota yawned and stretched. She could see the dark begin to grow lighter as the morning began to wake up. “I know a lot of people who are going to Canada or leaving the country,” she said solemnly.
Kate slid into the seat across the table.
“Do you think that’s necessary?” she asked. Her hair was much shorter than Dakota’s and darker. Depending on which way the sun hit, it could pass as either red or brown. Cut just below her ears, she constantly had to slide loose strands behind her ears.
Dakota looked directly at her through the candlelight.
“Yes, especially if things start to get worse. If they start relocating people...”
“They won’t do that! That’s absurd.”
“No? Kate, this how persecution starts. First they treat you like a second class citizen, then they get the lot of you all in one place and sllllllllwweeeep.” She made a line in the air across her throat with her finger.
“That ridiculous.”
“You are so naïve.”
Kate didn’t argue. When it came to the world outside of the town she lived in, there wasn’t much that she knew about.
Once, when she and Carl took Billy to New York City to visit Dakota, a man on the street asked her where he could get some coke. She had simply directed him to the corner store, thinking he was seeking the ever-popular soda. It wasn’t until Dakota pointed out the fact that he was looking to get a “fix” that she realized he had been talking about drugs.
Streetwise was a gift that Dakota had just been born with. Kate’s specialty had been book smarts, which she had to work so diligently at. But even that didn’t matter much now. She wasn’t even using her college degree for anything. Carl was the breadwinner, she was the housewife. Her rose garden was the most exotic place she’d ever been to.
“I just want to hide out here for a couple of weeks so I can get my head together. If I have to leave the country then that’s what I’ll do.” Dakota licked her lips, tasting the thought of living some place else, some other country. It didn’t make any sense. This was supposed to be the land of the free.
“What about...what’s her name...Jennifer?” Kate asked nervously.
“Jen went back to her family before I left to come here. I haven’t heard from her. We’ve cut all contact just in case.”
“Oh hon, I’m so sorry this is happening to you.”
“Me too.”
The teakettle suddenly let out a soprano scream and both of them jumped. Dakota lost her balance and tipped backwards in her chair. She fell to the kitchen floor with a resounding thud. Kate rushed to turn off the stove and removed the teakettle. Then she spun around and helped Dakota up off the floor.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
Dakota forced a laugh, “I guess I’m just a little bit on edge.”
“Maybe we should forget about the tea. How about lying down for a little bit?”
“That sounds like a good idea to me.”
Kate led Dakota to the guest bedroom. Before she even turned on the light, Dakota had flopped faced down onto the mattress. She struggled to push her shoes off with her feet.
“Do you need anything else?”
“No,” Dakota mumbled through the pillow.
“Then I’m going to lie down for a couple of hours too. Sweet dreams,” Kate said softly as she was about to close the bedroom door.
“Kate?” Dakota posed as she turned over to get a better look at her older sister.
“Yeah?”
“Do you agree with what they are doing?”
“Of course not. How could you ask me that?”
“Well, I know how Carl feels. And I know you still struggle with it sometimes – I guess I just need to hear you say it.”
Kate walked into the room and sat down at the edge of the bed. She slid her hand over her sister’s head and swept the hair from her eyes.
“I will always be thankful to have a sister like you. No matter what anyone else thinks, the neighbors, the government, even the world.”
Dakota smiled and took Kate’s hand in hers. She squeezed it momentarily and then fell back onto the bed, face first.
“Try to get some sleep, okay?” Kate paused at the door, admiring her younger sister in the dark, before she finally shut and closed it tight.
Back in her own bedroom, Kate slid into bed beside her husband. It was now past five. She’d have to be up to get Billy off to school in just over two hours and her body was pleading for some rest. Carl rolled over.
“How long is she staying?” he snorted.
“As long as she has to.”
He mumbled something else that she couldn’t quite make out and rolled over again pulling most of the covers with him. Kate turned her body so that her back was facing his. She angled her eyes so that she could see the soft colors of the sunrise in the distance. As her bedroom became lighter, her eyes became weaker. Maybe it was because in the dark, she didn’t have to see the existence of hate floating around her. But now that the day was breaking, she could see it clearly. She closed her eyes, hoping to make it go away. But as her husband’s snore erupted behind her, she knew there was no hiding from it – not even in her own house.
***
When Kate opened her eyes, her alarm was blaring with the consistency of a car alarm. Carl was already up and in the shower. She turned over and groaned slightly. The events of the night could well have been a dream – a nightmare really.
She reached over and switched the alarm off, then climbed out of the bed. Her back felt sore and stiff as she stretched her arms out in front of her. She found her son’s room empty, which meant he was already up. Occasionally, he liked to push the limits of his alarm and see just how many times he could slam the snooze button before it broke. Thankfully, she was always able to get him up before the third or forth swing.
Thinking that she was going to let Dakota sleep late this morning, she passed by the guest room without planning on opening the door. But to her surprise, the door was already open. The bed was unmade and her clothes were scattered across the rug as if her duffel bag had thrown up.
“Some things never change,” thought Kate as she grinned. The mess was somehow comforting, like an anticipated hug from an old friend.
As Kate headed down the stairs, she could hear the faint sounds of laughter. Entering the living room, she found her son, Billy, and Dakota sprawled on the couch watching cartoons.
“Well you two are sure up early this morning.”
“You didn’t tell me Aunt D was coming to stay,” Billy complained. “Can I play sick today?”
“No you can’t,” Kate said as she fixed a pillow.
“Why not? It’s not like we’re learning anything because of what’s all going on.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kate asked. “It’s a school. The whole point of you being there is to learn.”
“You know, with all of the fags and dykes being rounded up – there’s too much excitement to concentrate on school work.”
Dakota winced.
“What did you just say?” Kate swallowed. “You do not say those words in this house. They are demeaning and –”
“Dad says them all the time. And it don’t matter cause there aren’t any of ‘em around to hear me.”
Dakota’s mouth gaped and she couldn’t keep her jaw from falling to the floor.
Kate smacked him lightly in the back of the head. “Get up stairs and get in the shower. I don’t want to have to drive you today if you miss the bus.”
“Aw come on,” Billy moaned. He looked over at Dakota who held up her hands as if they were tied. Defeated, he forced himself off of the couch and up the stairs.
“I’m sorry,” Kate said as soon as he was out of earshot.
“I see he’s been learning the value of diversity.”
“He’s thirteen, Dakota. He doesn’t know any better.”
“Bullshit. I know plenty of thirteen year-olds who are well rounded. Has he picked up the rules of how to hate from his friends or his father?”
“That’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair is that he has no clue why I am here. If he knew, he might not be saying such things.”
“Carl doesn’t want him to know.”
“Jesus, Kate. Don’t you think he’s smart enough that he’ll figure it out? What then?”
“I don’t know.”
“I shouldn’t have come here.”
“Yes you should have.” Kate sat down next to her sister. “We’ll figure it out, okay?”
***
Carl wasn’t a big breakfast eater. Usually, he drank a half a cup of coffee, black so he could taste the aroma on his tongue, and went on his way. This morning wasn’t any different. Except for the fact that he couldn’t sit at the kitchen table and scan the newspaper while he sipped his coffee.
Both Billy and Dakota were sitting there, in his place, eating cereal and laughing at absurd jokes. He studied them both for a moment as he poured the steaming liquid into his mug. Billy’s wide grin stretched across the length of his face, his shaggy coal-colored hair was wet on top. He was completely unaware of who he was sitting next to.
Carl inhaled the scent of his mug as he raised it gingerly to his lips. As he turned the mug around to hold onto the handle, a confederate flag came into view. It was wrapped around the mug like it was hugging the ceramic.
“Hey Billy,” he said, making sure Dakota turned her head as well. “I’m using the mug you bought me.”
“Uh, cool Dad,” Billy returned. He had seen his dad use that mug a million times and wondered why he was just mentioning it now.
“It’s right up your alley,” Dakota noted, eyeing the flag.
“I like it,” Carl returned coolly.
“He likes all that Civil War junk,” Billy told her.
Dakota nodded. But she knew that both she and Carl were referring to the symbolic nature of the flag itself and not the southern states involvement in the Civil War.
Billy slurped a spoonful of milk and cheerios and moved onto another subject. And though Dakota was listening intently, she spotted Carl out of the corner of her eye. He was smiling slyly as if he had just made some profound statement. She looked down at her bowl; the cheerios had gone soft and were starting to sink below the milk.
“I should go tidy up my room a bit,” she said suddenly. “We don’t want Kate having a coronary or anything.” She pushed away from the table and left the room just as Kate entered.
“I see we’re all having breakfast like a family. How nice.”
Carl snorted and took another sip from his mug.
Billy stood up, tipped the bowl up slightly and drank the last of the milk as he meandered over to the sink.
“How long is Aunt D staying?” he asked when he finished. He set the bowl in the sink without rinsing it clean and wiped his mouth with his sleeve.
“Dishwasher.” Kate pointed at him.
“She’s only staying till the end of the week,” Carl answered.
Kate cast Carl a puzzled look.
“How come?” Billy asked.
Carl held his coffee cup almost lovingly, as if it gave him superpowers.
“Because,” he said.
“Because...why?” Billy asked again. He watched his mom look from the floor to the ceiling and then back at his dad. Something was going on. “Is Aunt D okay?”
“She’s fine honey,” Kate said after a deep breath and some pulling at her fingers. She reached over and tousled his unkempt hair. “Go brush your teeth. The bus will be here soon.”
Once he was out of earshot, Kate turned to Carl. He was rinsing out his mug just like if was any other day.
“The end of the week?”
“Yes. You can tell her after I leave for work because I’m sure she’ll raise a stink about it.”
“That’s not fair Carl. She’s in trouble, she needs our help right now.”
“You’re right. She does need help, but not from us. She needs professional help.”
“And what kind of professional help would that be?”
Carl adjusted his tie casually, “The kind that will help her see the lifestyle she has chosen is unhealthy and immoral.”
“Carl...how can you ask me to turn my back on my own sister? What if it was your own brother or sister?”
“I wouldn’t consider them my family if that was the case.”
Kate was horrified.
“I don’t even know who you are anymore,” she said.
“You know who I am. You know what I believe in. You’ve always known.” He stutter-stepped to her and awkwardly extended his arms. When she didn’t fall into them, he placed his hands on her shoulders. “I’m just trying to protect my family.”
Kate looked him deep in the eyes.
“Protect us from what?
He didn’t have an answer. Whatever the reason was, he couldn’t find the words to explain it. It was more of a gut feeling, the same sensation that caused him to cling to his wallet when he walked by a Black person on the street. He’d had that feeling all of his life. Those who were different from him, those that didn’t exist in his every day world, those who weren’t part of his life’s plan, weren’t worth considering. It sounded selfish, but in today’s world you had to take care of yourself no matter what. And that’s what he was doing – taking care of himself and his family – first and foremost.
Hiding Dakota could get them into a lot of trouble and it could also ruin his family’s name. He wasn’t about to risk that.
“It’s better this way,” he said finally and let his hands fall from Kate’s shoulders. He concentrated on fixing his sleeves. “I want her gone by Friday.”
He left the room without kissing her goodbye, but she didn’t care. She was too busy watching the bus park a couple of houses away, just in front of the corner stop sign. She watched Billy take his dear old time walking to the oversized canary colored kid-carrier, dragging his feet the entire way.
He must be tired, she thought. When Dakota would stay with them in the past, she would sometimes walk him to the bus. And when he was younger, she’d carry him on her back and he would never want to let her go.
Kate sighed, long and heartfelt.
“Better for whom?” she asked the kitchen. But it didn’t respond.
***
Dakota spent an extra fifteen minutes in the shower, letting the hot water cleanse her skin. The walls of the house were already beginning to suffocate her. She felt like a dirty fugitive who hadn’t slept or showered in weeks.
When she finally turned the water off, the bathroom was heavy with steam. She stepped out of the stall and onto the pink fuzzy mat, dripping water off of her toned body. The towel that Kate had laid out for her was wrapped tightly around her head as she let the air dry her skin.
She reached over and wiped the mirror clean with her palm so that she could see her reflection. The necklace she wore, with rainbow beads strung out in the middle, dangled just above her collarbone. She looked at it long and hard, rolling the beads between her thumb and forefinger before finally reaching around and unhooking the clasp. The necklace fell into her palm. Even though she had been standing there without any clothes on, she hadn’t felt truly naked until now.
Downstairs, Kate attempted to go about her daily business. But as Dakota descended the steps and walked into the kitchen, Kate was instantly reminded of everything. Carl had seemed even more frustrated before he had left for work and told her that Dakota could stay for one week and that was it. When she asked him where on earth Dakota could go, Carl said he didn’t care. Kate refused to believe that. She refused to believe that the man she had exchanged sacred vows of love with was capable of so much hate.
“You look spiffy,” Dakota said, pulling her hair back into a ponytail.
Kate looked down at her outfit. She was wearing sweatpants, a t-shirt with red paint stains on it and slippers with socks. If you looked up the definition of housewife in the dictionary, her picture would be sitting next to it.
“Need any help with anything?” Dakota asked. Though she really didn’t feel like cleaning, it might serve as a welcomed distraction.
“No. I’m just tidying up a bit.”
Dakota switched on the news. A reporter stood live in front of a homeless shelter. Behind her, policemen were dragging out people in groups. There were also crowds of people picketing off to the side, chanting, “No room for Homos!”
“What the?” Dakota turned up the volume. “Kate! Come here.”
“And as you can see behind me, the local authorities have located a sort of hide out here at St. Lawrence Homeless Shelter. At least one hundred gays and lesbians were hiding out here for the past week. An anonymous call was made to tip off the police and the shelter is now being evacuated...”
“Where are they taking them all?” Kate asked the television.
“...I’m told that these individuals will be taken into custody and then sent to a holding center in the Midwest. This evacuation is part of Operation Cleanse America, which was put into effect two weeks ago. All gay and lesbian organizations are being disbanded...”
“This is so surreal!” Dakota shouted.
“...If anyone knows of the whereabouts of any gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender individual in the area, please contact your local police department.”
Dakota switched off the television.
“My world is caving in.” She reached for her neck and suddenly remembered it was bare. Her entire identity had vanished.
“You can pretend to be heterosexual, just for the time being. Till this whole thing gets turned around,” Kate suggested, taking hold of Dakota’s arm desperately.
“Right, you mean after the four years of the presidency is up? What if he gets re-elected. That’s eight years. Eight years of this. And who knows where the country will be then. I can’t do it Kate. I can’t hide who I am for eight years. I hid it for almost twenty years of my life. How can you ask me to do it again?”
“What other choice do you have? You can’t stay in this house forever.”
“How long?”
“What?”
“How long did he give you?”
“Who?”
“Carl. I heard him ranting and raving before he left this morning. I heard him give you an ultimatum. How long?”
“By Friday.”
Dakota said nothing.
***
Billy kicked a stone that came across his path. He shuffled his feet when he walked, because he kept the laces of his sneakers untied. His baggy jeans hung low beneath his waist and his vintage t-shirt clung to the budding muscles of his upper body. Two of his classmates lagged a couple steps behind him.
“I wish they’d just let us take care of ‘em all. We could do a beat down on every fag in school,” said Charlie. He wore a backwards cap and a thick silver linked chain around his neck.
“Violence isn’t the answer numb head,” said the kid next to him. Jacob, who was slightly taller than Charlie, carried his skateboard at his side. While he didn’t agree with homosexuality, he didn’t agree with hate crimes either. He was somewhat of a forward thinker, but because of everything that was happening, he figured it was best to keep his thoughts on equality tight lipped.
“Whatever,” Charlie whined.
“You guys know any?” Billy asked suddenly.
“Know any what?” asked Jacob. “Homosexuals?”
“Fags.” Charlie corrected. “And no way. Thank God.”
Jacob eyed Charlie up and down. Sometimes, because of the things he said, he wondered why they were even friends.
“I don’t know any personally,” Jacob said. “Why do you ask?”
Billy shrugged. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to discuss the fact that he had overheard his parents arguing before he left for school, that he heard his father say that his aunt was a lesbian and that he wanted her out of the house by the end of the week. He didn’t want to tell them that he had wanted to throw up when he heard it, that it couldn’t possibly be true. That his stomach churned with nausea the entire day, and that he didn’t want to go home.
“You know any?” Charlie asked.
Billy said nothing. Of course he knew one. His aunt. And she was the coolest person he knew. And yet, she was a lesbian. That doesn’t make any sense. Homosexuals were dirty, contaminated people who didn’t believe in God and ultimately would be the downfall of the human race because of the fact that they can’t have babies. At least that’s what he learned from his father, that’s what he learned from his friends, and now that’s what he would be learning in school. Operation Cleanse America issued a new course to be taught in all schools across the country: The Truth About Homosexuality and Why It Is Wrong.
“Do you?” Charlie asked again.
“What if I do,” Billy said through clenched teeth. He couldn’t stop them from grinding against one another.
“Then you need to report them,” said Charlie.
“Don’t tell me what to do.” Billy stopped his feet and turned around to face him.
“What’s your problem? Are you a homo-lover or something?”
“Knock if off Charlie,” said Jacob.
“No. I want to know if my buddy here is homo-lover. He’s getting all sensitive like.” He turned to Billy and glared at him. “Or maybe he’s just a fag himself.”
Billy grabbed Charlie by the shirt and tossed him to the ground. He started pummeling him with his fist, first in the gut and then on the side of the face, before Jacob stepped in and pulled him off.
“Look, let’s all just relax okay,” said Jacob. “None of this affects any of us directly, so why are we getting all mad at one another?”
“Tell him to keep his ugly face shut,” Billy spat. He fixed his shirt and picked up his books from the ground.
Jacob helped Charlie up from the grass, his lip was bleeding and he held onto his side.
“Dude, why’d you hit me?” Charlie asked.
Jacob shook his head, “Sometimes you say the stupidest shit.”
Billy studied both of them for a moment. Friends. His best friends and they knew every little thing about him. Almost everything. If they knew, that right now, his gay aunt was hiding out at his house, they might never speak to him again. Or worse, Charlie might call the police. Some friends.
“I’ve got to get home,” he said. And before they could answer, he was already walking away. What pained him now was not the cut that zigzagged across his right knuckle from hitting Charlie, but the pang of guilt that bluntly poked him at his side. He wanted nothing to do with homosexuals, but how could he call the police on his flesh and blood?
***
There are many types of quiet. There’s the nervous quiet, the unease and unrest that lingers in an elevator full of strangers. There’s the quiet that travels along a late afternoon breeze as you watch the sunset from a lounge chair in your back yard. And there’s the forced quiet, the kind that exists when there is too much to say, but no way to really say it.
That’s the type of quiet that existed around the dinner table as Kate finished scooping a pile of mashed potatoes for her husband’s plate and sat down to eat her own.
“Can you pass the pepper?” Dakota asked. When no one responded, she reached over and grabbed it herself.
Carl sat reading the paper, but Kate noticed that he kept reading the same article over and over again. Billy wasn’t staring at anything particular, he just kept his eyes straight ahead, almost at an invisible television set or something. His vacant stare told Kate that maybe something had happened at school, but she was too tired to ask.
She watched Dakota, who wasn’t looking anywhere but at her food. Her meatloaf was spread out across her plate, a trick she used to do to try and fool their mother that she had eaten the food.
“Aren’t you hungry?” Kate asked, breaking the silence in half like a twig.
“Me?” Dakota asked.
“You’re not eating. You’re just pushing your food around.”
“Well, I just haven’t had much of an appetite lately.”
“You should try to eat something.”
Dakota frowned. She didn’t need this nit picking, not now.
“Leave it alone, okay,” she said.
Carl grumbled and shook the paper as if he couldn’t concentrate on reading the same article repeatedly unless there was absolute silence in the room.
“Honey, can you put the paper down?” Kate asked kindly.
He looked at her as if to say, no, I cannot and I especially cannot sit here at the dinner table and act like everything is fine and dandy when it isn’t, when that “thing” is sitting here next to me.
At least that’s what Kate thought his eyes said.
“How about watching a movie after dinner?” Dakota asked Billy. At least she could still communicate with her favorite nephew on some level.
“I’m busy,” he said shortly. He shoved a big forkful of mashed potatoes into his mouth and Dakota suddenly realized that his entire plate was clean. “Can I be excused?”
“What do you mean you’re busy?” Kate asked.
“I just am. I think I’m going to go over to Jacob’s house.”
“You aren’t going anywhere,” said Carl, lowering the paper. “I’m sure they informed you at school today that there is a nationwide curfew. You can’t be out of the house past eight o’clock.”
“There’s a nationwide curfew?” Kate looked at Dakota.
“Maybe I’ll just stay at Jacob’s then,” said Billy, already getting up out of his chair.
“Your Aunt is here. Don’t you think you should spend some time with her?” said Kate.
“It’s okay,” Dakota said quickly. She got the strange sense that maybe Billy knew what was going on after all. “You can go over to your friend’s house.”
“I just told him that he couldn’t,” said Carl.
“What’s the big deal? It’s just Jacob’s.” Billy could feel his jaw becoming tighter. Every time he looked over at his Aunt, his skin crawled.
“I said, no.”’ Carl insisted. “Like I said there is a curfew. Now sit down until the rest of us are finished or go do your homework.”
Billy slammed his chair into the kitchen table. Dakota’s glass shook and spilled water over her uneaten plate of meatloaf. He held her in his stare and for a moment, she thought he might start yelling but his eyes slowly shifted to the floor. Then, he ran out of the room.
“He knows,” she said, once she heard his door slam.
“You told him?” Carl accused.
“No. But I know he knows. Look how he was acting towards me. I need to go talk to him.”
“I don’t think that is such a good idea,” said Kate. “He’s probably overwhelmed and hurt and...”
“And that’s why I need to go and talk to him.”
“I’ll go and talk to him,” said Carl, setting down the paper in annoyance.
“Oh, right. That’s all he needs,” Dakota rolled her eyes.
“And what does that mean exactly?”
“Please Carl. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that my mere presence here doesn’t disgust you. Everything you think and feel about me is your own view, don’t push it onto your son.”
“Don’t you dare tell me how to raise my boy!”
“Someone should since you are doing such a crappy job of it!”
“Dakota...” Kate’s voice trailed off. She misplaced her words like she often did her keys. And she was too exhausted to go searching for them.
“Get out of my house,” Carl barked.
“Don’t worry. I’m leaving tomorrow morning, first thing.”
“What? Where are you going to go?” Kate wondered.
“Right now, I’d rather keep it to myself. I don’t want Carl getting any ideas about tipping off the police once they start handing out monetary rewards.”
Carl stood up and left the kitchen table. He retreated to the basement where his study was. Some nights, he would wake up out of sound sleep and go down there to read. He had a collection of over one thousand books, all related to religious philosophy. Sometimes Kate thought he should have been a preacher instead of an insurance salesman.
“He’s probably going to pray,” Dakota sneered.
Kate let out a light laugh. That’s exactly what she thought herself.
“He just values his beliefs. They are his truths, it’s hard for him to challenge that,” she said.
“I understand that. But it’s not fair for him to turn around and judge me for my own beliefs or consider me less of a person because I may not agree with his.”
Kate nodded. She had been longing to ask her sister something for quite some time now, but just didn’t know how to phrase it.
“Do you believe in God?” she asked. The question just fell out once she opened her mouth.
Dakota had been asked this question numerous times before. It’s as if people thought that just because you were gay, you automatically didn’t believe in God. But she did. She had always believed in a higher power. And she couldn’t fathom that God, full of love and harmony, would have created her only to hate her. The God she believed in created all life out of love – including her.
“Yes I do.”
Kate was quiet now. It was as if she had expected a different answer and had prepared an argument for when Dakota said “no.” And since she had said “yes” instead, there was nothing more to say.
“I’m going to talk to Billy. I need to clear that up before I go,” Dakota insisted.
“You don’t have to go. I’ll talk to Carl. We’ll work this out.”
“You keep saying that, that we’ll work this out.”
“Because I know that we will, that things with go back to being the same as before all of this started happening.”
“I don’t know if I believe that. But I know one thing for sure.”
“What?”
“No matter what happens, I’ll never be the same.”
***
“Knock, knock,” Dakota teased as she turned the knob on the door to Billy’s room. He was lying on his bed, listening to his headphones and reading a skateboarding magazine. Once he saw her, he sat up quickly almost as if he didn’t know quite how to act.
“Can we talk?” she asked him.
“’Bout what?”
“About me.” She sat down on the bed next to him. Her hand rested near his and she saw him looking at it cautiously. “I know you know Billy. How did you find out?”
“Know what?” Billy forced an unbelievable chuckle. “I don’t know what you’re talking ‘bout.”
“Come on Billy. It’s me, Dakota, your favorite aunt. Remember?”
“You’re my only aunt,” Billy sighed and set the magazine he was still holding behind him.
“And that’s why I’m you favorite. So tell me what’s going on with you.”
“This morning, before Dad left. They were arguing about when you should leave and all about what is happening and that you are...that you are gay.”
“I don’t know what you’ve learned about homosexuals or what you believe, but I’m not any different. I’m still the same Aunt D you grew up admiring. What they are saying in the news and at your school is all wrong. We’re not evil people, we’re not inhuman and we did not choose this. It’s something we were born with and we have to make do with what God gave us.”
Billy nodded his head but she could tell he was already discounting her statements in his mind. She reached up and touched his shoulder. He jerked away.
“Nothing I say is going to make a difference at this point, is it?”
“I don’t know, ya know. I don’t know what to believe anymore.”
“I should have told you the truth a long time ago.”
Dakota set her hand in her lap. For the first time since all of this began, she felt the urge to cry.
“At least...” she started and felt the lump in her throat expand. “At least be strong enough to make up your own mind, not based on your father’s beliefs or your mother’s beliefs or even my beliefs. Make up your mind based on what you believe to be true in your heart. Can you do that for me?”
Billy looked at her. He saw the water building up at the base of her eyes lids before she dabbed at it with her sleeve. He felt the pang in his side again, but this time he also felt it in his chest, just above his heart.
Dakota stood up to leave.
“I’m not going to call the police if that’s what you’re thinking,” said Billy.
“What?” She turned around, holding herself tight with both arms wrapped around her waist.
“The police. I’m not going to call them. It’s not right. And I don’t want to be a rat. I ain’t no rat.”
Dakota smiled. “Thank you for that.”
Billy nodded again. Then he fixed his headphones back over his ears and returned his attention to the magazine.
Dakota tugged at her shirt. That was all the love she was going to get from him for now. And as small of a gesture as it was, it filled her to the core with happiness.
***
At about five in the morning, Kate was awakened by the screams of police sirens and tire screeching halts outside of her house. She rolled over and noticed that Carl was not lying next to her.
“Carl?” she called out into the empty bedroom. Red and blue flashes danced across the walls as she threw on a bathrobe and ran downstairs.
Carl bumped into her in the foyer; he was wearing the same clothes he had on last night and had fallen asleep in the basement again.
“You called them!” Kate yelled.
“No, I swear I didn’t.”
“Then who did?”
Billy appeared behind them, rubbing his eyes and squinting into the lit hallway.
“What’s going on,” he asked.
“Did you call the police?” Kate asked him.
“No.”
She scanned his face, usually if his left eyebrow rose slightly, it was a sure give away that he was lying. But this time, it seemed as though he was telling the truth.
“Well if you didn’t then who did?”
“I did,” said a voice from the living room.
They turned to see Dakota standing there, with her duffel bag slung over her shoulder. She was fiddling with something around her neck, and Kate noticed it was the rainbow necklace that she was wearing when she had arrived.
“Why?” Kate screamed. A knock at the door sent a lighting bolt of panic through her legs.
“Because I’m not going to run from all of this or deny who I am. If I go into hiding, then I am just hiding from myself. Living that way only makes me look as if I am ashamed of who I am. And I’m not ashamed, not one little bit.”
“Think about this before you open that door,” Kate urged as another knock came, this time a harder and longer rap.
“You heard her, she called them,” said Carl. “Let her go.”
“Stay out of this!” Kate found herself screaming suddenly. “You might not care about what happens to her, but I do!”
“Kate, it’s okay.” Dakota pulled her close and stretched her arms around her. “You told me last night that you believed that things were going to work out. Hold on to that, okay.”
Dakota nodded to Carl who opened the front door. A couple of officers entered the room.
“I’m the homo,” Dakota said smartly and held her hands up. “Take me away boys.”
The two policemen looked at her sideways.
“Come with us,” said the taller one who to Dakota resembled Detective Brisco from Law & Order.
“Wait,” said Billy suddenly. He lunged forward and grabbed at Dakota around her midsection. She eagerly let him embrace her and ran her hand through his hair.
“I know what I believe,” he said looking up at her. “I know what feels right in my heart.”
“What’s that sweetie?”
“I know that you’re still my aunt.”
“That’s all that matters.”
Kate began to cry and joined in on the embrace. Carl stood there folding and unfolding his arms, wondering where he fit into the moment. Then as the huddle tightened, he realized he didn’t fit in at all.
“Let’s go,” said the Detective.
Dakota had no idea where they were taking her or what was going to happen to her, but she knew that at least she was going to be around other people who understood exactly how she felt and knew what she was going through.
That thought alone made her feel safe...at least for the moment.