The Beginning of The End - A New Beginning

Story ID:	2247
Written by:	Michael Timothy Smith
Story type:	Family History
Writers Conference:	$500 2007 Family Memories Writing Project
Location:	Fort Lee New Jersey USA
Year:	2003
Person:	My first wife Georgia

The Beginning of the End - A New Beginning



After Georgia died, I was lost. What was I going to do?

How do people deal with the loss of a spouse? I was and am an

internet junky. I sat in front of my computer and searched for

internet support groups for widows and widowers. Several groups

popped up. One group was called, "Youngwidows2." It was for

both widows and widowers.


I was asked to send my story to the moderators for them

to approve my membership. Soon after I sent my story, I received

an email telling me I was approved. They posted my story to the

group and asked members to welcome me.


My email inbox filled with emails from members welcoming

me and telling their stories. Tears filled my eyes each time I

read one. For the first time since my ordeal began, I didn't feel

alone. There were so many people who had or were going through

what I did. I grew comfortable and began to post more. When I

felt bad, I would email them and they responded with words of

support. I even started posting a few of my stories to them.


The members had been through a lot, but they surprised me

with their ability to laugh. There were days it was hard to

believe they were a group in mourning. They had a chat room,

where members went to chat and support each other. I would go

there in the evenings and laugh at the crazy things people

posted. Time passed. I began to come out of my protective

shell. My humor came back and I had the members laughing at

my antics.


There was a woman in the group. Her name was Ginny. I

didn't know it, but she had been watching my posts with interest.

I later learned, she thought the fact I wrote Georgia's eulogy

a special thing. "Not many men would be able to do that." she

told me later. She read every story I posted, and thought, any

man who could write like that had to be special.


Ginny and I were always two of the members in the chat room.

She had a wonderful sense of humor and made me laugh. She would

post things to the group, and then message her friends, "Let's

see what he says now."


I was oblivious. I fell for the bait each time, typing in a

comic remark.


One night in chat, a member was having a rough time. Ginny

posted saying, "I'm sorry you're having a bad day. If you need

to talk, here is my number." She posted her number.


I messaged her privately, "Ginny, is that your real number?"


"Yes!" she replied.


"Can I call you sometime?"


"Sure!"


"Can I call you now?" I asked.


"Sure."


"OK, I'm calling.


I didn't know this until much later, but after I said I was

calling, Ginny jumped out of her chair, did a little dance, and

sang, "He's going to call me! He's going to call me!"


We talked on the phone everyday after that, sometimes

three or four times and all evening long. A month later, Ginny,

who lived in Charlotte, NC at the time, decided to fly to New

Jersey to meet me in person.


I'll never forget the butterflies I had in my stomach, as

I waited at the airport for her plane to arrive. I watched the

board announcing arrivals, and saw her plane had landed. I stood

by the exit gate watching for her. My palms were sweaty, and my

heart was pounding. I was finally going to meet the woman I knew

I loved. We hadn't met yet, but I knew I was in love with her

already.


I turned and there she was. She saw me, smiled and asked,

"Mike?" and then she was in my arms. I held her so tight. She

was so beautiful and fit in my arms perfectly. I think I said,

"It is so nice to finally be able to hold you."


I kissed the top of her head and then her lips. On the

escalator to get her bags, I confessed I was nervous and excited

all at the same time. In the car, I reached out, and she slid

into my arms. "I have been waiting a long time for this," I said

and kissed her tenderly.


On the way home, at every stop light I would take a kiss

break.


At home, I cooked her dinner, and we had a beautiful evening,

then a beautiful weekend, and then a beautiful everything,

including a beautiful and crazy wedding four months later.


Now we have a beautiful life together.


I LOVE YOU, GINNY


Ginny once wrote the following about her experience that night:


He was nervous and I wasn't. No one could believe I was

flying from NC to NJ to meet someone I met over the internet.

I knew I wasn't flying to just "meet someone". I knew I was flying

to my future. As I walked through the gate, I knew him immediately.

During that first hug, I knew that I had come home. It felt so right.


It still is. We counted the days we had actually been together

before we got married. 30 days. That's it. There are a lot of

people who can't believe we got married so soon and they just

don't understand. For the first eight months, we were together

24x7, except for a month when he worked in the city. If you

think about it, we spent more time together in those first eight

months than most people who are married for two to three years,

and I love him more now than I did then.


I asked God to bring someone into my life. Someone to love

me completely and I could love completely...no holds barred. My

prayers were answered. I love you too,

Michael. Actually, it's my day so I love you MORE!!!!!


Ginny
*************************


During the summer after we married, we spent a lot of time on

our deck reading. One day a memory returned to me.


Many years ago, when I was in my early teens, my dad was in

the hospital to have a lump removed from his neck. Across the

room from him was a man. We were visiting my dad one day, when

this man's wife came to visit. They kissed, she pulled up a chair,

and they talked for a few minutes. They soon both opened their

books and for an hour were completely content to just be together,

no words were needed. They took great comfort in just being in

the presence of each other. After an hour or so, they closed their

books, talked for a few minutes, kissed and she was gone.


This happened about thirty years ago, and the memory comes

back to me often. I remember thinking, "That is the kind of

relationship I want." Quite a thought for a kid in his mid teens,

however, I knew that was what I wanted.


Ginny and I spent a lot of time out on the deck reading that

summer. Once in a while I would look up and say, "Gin, time for

an 'I love you break."


She looked up. "I love you, Sweetie, and now back to our

story." and I would read again.


"Love you too, Hun." A smile came to my face. I have the

relationship I dreamed about 30 years ago.


I have been blessed.


Ginny inspires me to write poetry, something I hardly

ever do. My heart is filled with feelings for my beautiful Ginny.


Here are two poems I wrote for Ginny:

And That's You

When Life's storms raged with cold, snowy winds,
There appeared someone special,
warming my heart.

And that's you.

A life of winter had descended,
But a new spring came,
bright green hope.

And that's you

When death's ugly shadow cast deep, dark gloom,
An angel swooped down
New life

And that's you.

Life's choices, a series of doors.
Sometimes we choose, sometimes we're pushed.
New door opened; the path was clear.

And that's you.

Ginny, you are my warmth, my hope, my life and my path.
I love you and thank you for coming into my life.

Every Day

Dear Lord

Every day I look at her
Every day I see her
Every day I feel her love
Every day I reach out, hold her, look to the sky and wonder
what I did in life to deserve her.

At night I hold her in my arms
At night I feel her warmth
At night I hear her heart beat.
At night hold her hand, shed a tear of joy, look to the sky and wonder
what I did in life to deserve her.

All week I feel such joy
All week I melt with every thought of her
All week I look forward to being near her again
All week I think of her, wait to be close her, crave her nearness, look to the
sky and wonder what I did in life to deserve her.

In all my life have I known such happiness?
In all my life have I known such joy?
In all my life have I known such love?
In all my life have I known my Ginny?
I look to the sky and wonder, what I did right in life to deserve her.

Thank you, Lord


I love you, Ginny.

Michael T. Smith