I think back to when I found out that Darryl got married and my heart broke into peices. I felt like turning off the rest of the world and crying forever. Nothing else mattered to me, no one or anything in the world at the time. I had always dreamed of the day he and I would be married and be a family but somehow I drove him away. My love for him was so strong that I could not think straight or even be the mother that I needed to be. My love for him was a deep love that was embeded in my heart to stay forever. I could not make myself let go even after he was married to someone else. The passion and lust for him that I had was twisted in my soul that it would take me years to let go. I believe I had long for someone to love me when he came into my life and I fell for him like a ton of bricks and latched onto his soul and wanted to be there forever. Everytime I gave birth to a child by him it made it even harder to let go. This was like adding another log to a fire to make it burn longer. After his second marriage though my love was turning into hate and anger and therefore turning me into an ugly person inside and out. I wanted revenge for my hurt and pain and every time I tried to get it something got in my way. I realized that he and I were through but I still loved him there was still a love way deep inside my heart for him. The kind of love I had for this man is hard to explain there are no words for this kind of love. It is like you love this person more than you love yourself almost a scary kind of love. I can't believe I loved this man so much,looking back now I see what a fool I was. How could I love this man so much when he never loved or cared for me? I could not see how he used me and took advantage of the love that I had for him. I wonder if he just kept me on the back burner in case his new love did not work out. I wasted endless tears and years of my life on someone who did not love me,how could I do this to myself and my children? Some questions may never have an answer. I gave my innocence up for nothing and for no love in return. I have often wondered if he loved me at all. I may never know the answer to that question ever.