'SOLVING THE SHOPPING DILEMNA'

Story ID:	1783
Written by:	Bonnie Jarvis-Lowe
Organization:	Retired RN/Freelance Writer and Photographer
Story type:	Musings, Essays and Such
Location:	Clarenville NL Canada
Year:	2006
Person:	The author and shopping

'SOLVING THE SHOPPING DILEMNA'

There is a well-worn phrase that says there is a ‘fine line between sanity and insanity’. Now at fifty-seven years of age, shopping for clothing eases me closer to insanity. As a matter of fact I wonder if that hasn’t already happened. I’ve discovered that giving into the desire for a delicious piece of cheesecake cannot be suppressed by sticking a little stuffed pig on top of the refrigerator, nor can it stop my love of Yogurt Coated Almonds. All the fridge magnets about dieting ever made will not take the place of that lobster, chocolate, or any other delightful food that happens to be my weakness. I just do my best, and I blame sneaking a treat on a need to elevate my ‘low blood sugar’! Works every time; try it and you’ll see!

At the age of sixteen, with an androgynous figure, shopping was actually fun. Now, thirty-seven years later, having had two children, and a lack of willpower, has all combined with the force of gravity to make shopping one big miserable ordeal!

Consider all of that, then factor in the fact that clothing is not sized the same way by any two companies, leaving us to deal with garments in the same marked size range being totally different sizes in actual fact, and the recipe is called ‘MISERY’! A size 12 may be a size 10 in one line of shirts, and that same size 12 may be size 16 in another line. It is just as well to buy a pair of drapes, sheets, or a large bath towel, wrap it around yourself, and go home and relax with your dignity intact-what is left of it! At least you will have something to cover you so you won’t be charged with public mischief or creating a disturbance.

Little tops that bare the navel, the size ‘large’ that looks like something only a seven-year-old could wear, neon colors, stripes that go around the body instead of running up and down-which everyone knows the size 12 and up needs to wear, and skirts that expose it all, are not for the 50-plus baby boomers. Most of us are grandmothers now and the time has come to give up the fashion trends of the day, and accept who we are, and what type clothing a ‘cool’ grandmother can wear.

Most of us do that now. However the clothing companies are slow to catch up to those of us who need more than those tiny tops that allow the ring in the navel to be shown to the world. Our navels are our own business, and they are not for show, even if we could find them! We need one good outfit that has style and comfort, with lots of accessories that will dress it up, or down, depending on the occasion.

If a special occasion does arise, we will have to forego our comfy cotton pants and T-shirts that we wear for gardening, fishing, reading, doing housework, running errands and in fact, just plain live in, and wear that one special outfit.

After a particularly long day of shopping for that ‘special outfit’, plowing through clothing stores jam-packed with clothing, hangers scraping rods, dressing rooms with light that makes you look like a beached whale dipped in bleach, and a daughter who couldn’t stop sighing, I found the perfect solution to calm the spirit and soothe the soul. Erma Bombeck, whose writing I truly admire, said that the only time she ever fainted was when she tried on a bathing suit in a small dressing room, with its strange lighting, while wearing a pair of knee-high hose. She saw herself in the mirror, she says, and her reflection caused her to faint! I believe her, and can see it happening to me. But, quite by accident, I discovered a dignified solution to the issue at hand.

My daughter and I were shopping, and we had been to every store in the city without finding a thing that appealed to me. The one outfit that would be perfect was brown, and I would rather wear a mascot chicken suit than anything brown, so consequently I had found nothing.

Then the ‘light bulb’ moment happened. I wandered into a store that catered to large, tall men and women. I spied an outfit in a cranberry color, exactly the style I wanted and I was elated. Success at last! I asked the clerk about the outfit. She told me all the particulars, price, types of material, and what was best to wear with it. Things were looking up.

“What size do you need dear?” she asked cautiously, studying me over her glasses, mentally measuring me for herself.

“Fourteen,” I responded, “it depends on the style, might go to a twelve, might go to a sixteen, you can’t go by sizes so I just need to try it on. I’ll start with the fourteen,” I rambled on under her steady gaze.

The lovely lady clerk took off her half-glasses and stuck one of the ear pieces in between her teeth.

“Oh, dear,” she said, “I am so sorry, but we have nothing in a size that small!”

What a defining moment! I thanked her and floated out of the store. I never asked another question. I couldn’t speak because I was so ecstatic.


I told my daughter what had happened as I was heading to the other store that catered to larger sizes. ‘NOTHING THAT SMALL’ –well, I was thrilled, and, I am sure, temporarily insane. My daughter was disgusted, so without purchasing a thing, we left for home.

That was ten years ago and, since that day, whenever I am feeling sickened with shopping, I look for the stores that carry the large sizes. I pop in and ask for a smaller size than I need, and guaranteed they will say that they do not have anything small enough for me! It leaves me walking on air for weeks. It is the perfect solution, makes me feel fantastic, and doesn’t cost a cent.

That is my quiet way of dealing with the clothes shopping dilemma. It doesn’t mean I won any great war, but I win the battle to preserve my sanity.

My daughter won’t shop with me. She says that I have an odd way of achieving self- satisfaction! I know then that I should never have encouraged her to study psychology!

As for me, I really believe it keeps me out of that ‘insanity pool’, makes me feel marvelous, and mentally prepares me to shop another day!

Bonnie Jarvis-Lowe