Only On Loan

Story ID:	150
Written by:	Yvonne K. Meckfessel
Story type:	Diary/Journal Entry
Location:	Olney IL United States
Year:	1974
Person:	Jason

Entry in my journal AUGUST 1974 concerning my son that was born with a heart defect.

I awoke in the middle of the night and immediately sat up. Leaning toward the clock on the other side of the bed, I squinted to make out the time. It was two o'clock in the morning. I couldn't help but wonder if I had slept so soundly that I didn't hear my baby wake and cry. The "what ifs" came to mind as I swiftly entered his room.

In the darkness, I could hear Jason's soft breathing. I gently put my hand on his back, and felt the reassuring movement of his body as he slept. I bent down and kissed him, then my tears fell.

I stayed awake the rest of the night, hearing each time he stirred ... and thanking God that he did.

"Now I lay me down to sleep ......."


JOURNAL ENTRY TEN YEARS LATER APRIL 1984

He sat on the doctor's table, shirtless, with his scarred chest that is slightly caved in on one side, his ribs showing. The doctor did his usual listening, poking and feeling. Then silently read the EKG. We both sat there calmly, waiting to hear the doctor's usual comment for the past ten years of "Jason is doing find. No changes that I can see. I'll see you in six months."

When the doctor finally looked up, he cleared his throat and said, "I think that it is time that we do a heart catheterization and several other tests on Jason. He will be in the hospital for about three days. My nurse will let you know when you are to be admitted to the hospital."

After the doctor finally left, there was a stunned silence in the room. Then when I had finally absorbed what had been said, I looked up at Jason. His eyes were clouded with fear ... or was that a reflection of my own?


NOTE: Jason passed four months later on August 7, 1984. These excerpts were taken from my book, "Only On Loan, Notes From A Journal Edged In Black".