God Unavailable

God Unavailable

My eyes were wide open and glazed, I knew it
As I crossed at lights both red and green.
Unthinking, blinking in morning's sun
For I had committed a terrible, stupid act at nineteen.

Escape seemed the only route
Away from my error and resulting horror
I shuffled by others on the street quickly
Making no eye contact, just going on farther.

A church had not held me since childhood
When Grandma would take me but
I still remembered that He would forgive me
And I craved that forgiveness in my sorry state.

It was all so inexcusable that
In my youth I couldn't figure
Such tragic resullts from a single, thoughtless act
Short of serious crime or perhaps something bigger.

There was a church right down the street, I knew
So I sought out its refuge
A place to confess to Him, anyone
To avoid the guilt in a deluge.

I anxiously approached His house and
Ran up the steps toward the tall wooden doors
Wrapped my hand 'round the knob, still in shock
But my heart pounded harder when I found it was locked.

Maybe it was just. I felt it wasn't
The one crisis in my short life demanding that
I call on Him immediately, right then
But I was locked out of His grace. God unavailable? Since when?

I walked around the shaded sanctuary
Searching out another way in, an open door
Finding no other entrance
I cursed, I swore.

Tears of dismay at being closed out, abandoned
In my hour of need, my self-inflicted misery.
All alone in a world full of people
Yet no one to console me.
Not even He.

Story ID:	892
Written by:	jim rambo (bio, contact, other stories)
Story type:	Poem
Location:	Newark Delaware U.S.A.
Year:	1963
Person:	A Student