FEAR CONTROLLED MY LIFE

Fear Controlled My Life
©2004, Janet K. Poludniak

One day I realized that fear controlled my life.
All my thoughts were negative; my life was full of strife.
I feared what each new day would bring, but I also feared the night;
because I feared the darkness, I wouldn’t sleep without a light.
A simple touch brought panic; from kind words I’d retreat;
and from the slightest praise, I’d hide, but tried to be discrete.

I feared I’d be rejected, so I built impenetrable walls.
I feared that I would fail, so I failed to risk at all.
Life became unbearable; I wanted no more pain!
I wanted to escape, but if I died, what would I gain?
What if I failed at that, too; what would I realize?
And if, by chance, I did succeed, would Hell become my prize?

Fear lead to isolation. As my pain grew more intense,
I decided just to end it all, ‘cause my life made no sense;
but somehow God intervened—saved my life and helped me find
the answers to my pain and fear, and gave me peace of mind.
Once fear had paralyzed me, I could no longer make a choice.
Life just happened, by default, ‘til I heard a friendly voice:

“Fear is in control of you. You don’t’ have a life!
No wonder you’re so negative and seem to have such strife.
You need to battle fear; to let God take control;
God’s promises will guide you, set you free, and make you whole.”

Together, we searched the scriptures. Such wealth in them I found,
and I began to heal inside, to stand on Solid Ground.
“Fear not for I am with you! Fear not I am your God!”
“Fear not what man can do to you! Fear not the road you trod!”
It didn’t happen instantly, but God began to heal . . .
and the more I let my walls down, the more His love was real.

I hated what I’d seen in me—all that I’d become;
I’d felt like a helpless victim, that no battle could be won!
But now I look at Jesus and at what He sees in me!
No longer a helpless victim, but a child of God. Set free!
He loves me. He accepts me. He takes me as I am,
but He won’t leave me like that. He’ll change my inner man.
I want to be just like Him, and I know He wants that, too,
so I’m learning to face my fears, and do what He would do.

Story ID:	5132
Written by:	JANET KESSLER POLUDNIAK (bio, contact, other stories)
Organization:	JUST ME
Story type:	Poem
Location:	GROTON NY USA
Year:	1993
Person:	For those who deal with fear and rejection.