'DANIEL'S FOLLY'

'DANIEL'S FOLLY'

‘A true story of the power of addiction and denial’

Recently I received an e-mail from a friend telling me that she is now taking Insulin, and after feeling so sick with Diabetes, she feels ‘reborn’. I am so pleased for her because her struggle with Diabetes has really been difficult. Now insulin is giving her a whole new life, a feeling of well-being, and energy she had lost is being regained.

Her note reminded me of a young man I knew years ago, when I was one of his nurses. His name was Daniel and he was a diabetic. He would not accept that fact, was totally noncompliant, and from the time he was told he was a diabetic at the age of fifteen, up to the age of twenty-five, he refused insulin. It was his only hope for health as the oral medications proved ineffective for him. He was terrified of ‘needles’ he said, so consequently he arrived in our Emergency Department regularly in diabetic coma. It was all so senseless. But Daniel was adamant and the medical community finally downplayed their campaign to introduce him to insulin as he threatened legal action. He fought us all, and he was going downhill quickly. All he had now was his aggression toward doctors’ and nurses, who, in our small hospital had all felt the sting of Daniels’ verbal abuse. Stressing him more would be pointless.

During one of his hospital stays we thought we had him at least receptive to the idea of a once a day ‘long-acting’ insulin. But it was not to be. During that time I remember walking toward the Nurses Station, and seeing Daniel standing there. My heart sank. Ten minutes previous to this I had tested his blood sugar and he had been, while still sullen, fairly cooperative, and listened when I told him his blood sugar was still extremely high. He told me that he would take pills ‘if I have to!’ He did not want our intervention, nor did he want to be in a hospital. In that short time since I left his room he was demanding we give him his pocket knife and wallet, and said he was leaving.

The tall, gaunt, figure with the sunken eyes, looking far older than his twenty-five years, his body showing muscle wasting, a grey color to his skin, noticeable hair loss, and with an extremely high blood sugar reading, was playing his game of ‘Defeat Death’ once again. He signed the ‘AMA’-(Against Medical Advice) form and shuffled his way toward the exit like a very feeble, elderly man. There seemed to be no possible way to manage Daniel, his hostile attitude, or his Diabetes. The effects of high blood sugars were taking their toll and this once smiling young man was dying needlessly. Daniel, who was an accomplished musician, was well aware of all of this, but was driven to refuse help.

This was the worse case of denial any of us had ever witnessed. He was terribly uncooperative, and his paranoia, disdain, and hostility toward the very same medical personnel who worked hard to save him was unbelieveable. He was so disgusted with the world that he would risk his life, and horrify his family, who could not bear to watch him slowly die. His talent was being wasted, his mother was distraught, and his brothers were powerless.

We knew he would be back as his condition was worsening. Such was his pattern as he endured diabetic comas that left him weak and disoriented. The oral medications, when he did take them, were not effective, and still the lifesaving insulin was refused repeatedly by this sad young man. He could not stand the thought of injections, and no amount of persuasion, pleas from his family, or the numerous audio-visual aids we used, would change his mind. He hated injections, and would ‘rather die’ than take them daily he would say. His doctor told him he WAS DYING, but Daniel chose to ignore the warning. Everyone felt helpless and defeated as we watched a young man slowly letting his life slide away,

Daniel left the hospital and nobody really knew where he went because he was totally swallowed into the abyss of the world when he left our care. This young man had been a bright student, but now he knew just enough to curse Banting and Best for coming up with insulin, he cursed the doctors who had saved his life with it, and he cursed his family because, in his mind, they were trying to control him.

In a week Daniel was back. He had been found in a car, unresponsive, filthy, and covered in sores and cuts. So he was rushed to the Emergency Department once again. In an hour the doctors had him sitting up and were busy fending off his aggression. His blood sugar was the highest they had ever seen, so he was receiving insulin by Intravenous drip. After some control was achieved over his horrendously high blood sugar, he removed his intravenous drip and promptly left! The ER nurses said they felt then that they would not see him alive again, knowing he was so sick, that his kidneys were now affected, and he was close to death.

Their instincts were right! Two weeks after that hospital visit, Daniel was found lying in the street, unresponsive, dirty, wasted with no vital signs. He was pronounced dead upon his arrival at the hospital. Daniel’s fight with Diabetes was over. His abused body could not function any longer. In the Emergency Room that day, the medical staff and nurses noticed something for the first time. It was a discovery which rocked our world, and was so hard to comprehend.

Daniel’s arms, abdomen, and thighs were covered with needle punctures. The sullen young man who resisted a simple dose of insulin, who hated injections, had died of an overdose of heroin. In the end the Diabetes did not claim his life, but the toxicology testing showed that a street drug did. He could overcome his fear of injections to use street drugs, but could not, or would not, take a tiny needle to save his life. He left a family who loved him so much, a love he could not accept.

Astonishment and sadness overwhelmed everyone. How could we have missed the signs? How could Daniel have hidden this so well? Why would he be terrified of an insulin injection, but be covered with needle punctures from heroin injections?

Because he was an addict-that’s why! Addicts are masters at hiding their addictions. When he injected his street drugs, he found the euphoria he craved. Insulin could not give him that, even though it could save his life.

The loss of Daniel haunted us. We talked about addiction, trying to understand the hold heroin had on such a talented young man. Through this process we, as nurses, learned that the power of addiction destroys reason, negates fear, pushes aside scruples, and steals lives. Such was the way it was for Daniel. We felt such a sense of failure, but understanding addictions was something we took upon ourselves to try to come to grips with. It helped us deal with the feeling of failure.

Clearly Daniel’s addiction crippled his ability to give and receive love, destroyed his peace of mind, conquered his spirit, stole his talent, shattered his hopes and dreams, killed his friendships, suppressed his happy memories, controlled his world, and in the end it took his life. What could have been a wonderful life was snuffed out at the age of twenty-five, all alone except for his ‘friend’, the bag of drugs in his pocket. Fearful of a tiny insulin shot, yet covered with puncture wounds, given to himself to feed his addiction is something we will never really understand.

My friend chose to regain health with Insulin, Daniel chose to feel better with Heroin.

How many more ‘Daniels’ do we have out there I wonder?

My thought is that if there is even one, it is far too many!

Be at Peace Daniel, your battles are over.

Story ID:	250
Written by:	Bonnie Jarvis-Lowe (bio, link, contact, other stories)
Organization:	Retired RN/Freelance Writer and Photographer
Story type:	Story
Location:	Halifax Nova Scotia Canada
Year:	1997
Person:	A Disturbed young man named Daniel