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I want to start out by saying that I have learned a lot in my lifetime,and I hope that I can help others from my experiences in life. This chapter is about my learning experiences with giving my child up for adoption. I must first say that getting pregnant at 16 years old is a lesson itself and should teach any young girl that there is a right time to become a mother. For me,this was not the right time in my life,I don't know if there ever was a right time for me,but,I know the first time was not the way it is intended to be. Giving my first child up for adoption was a hard thing for me to do,and now I know that reuniting with her was even harder to do. I did not handle things the right way and I lost her again and for good this time. I was wrong for wanting to walk into her life and instantly become her mother. I can look back and realize that now,and,I can also look back and see the things that I should have done. I felt that I was being pushed aside and I really wanted us to be close. But,I did not take the time to understand that she had a mother all of those years who took care of her and who was there for her. I am thankful that I have had therapy and that I am able to handle this better than I have handled other things in my life. I will tell you that it is not easy to find your child,only to lose her again. Over the years,I have learned that being a mother is the hardest job a woman will ever do in her life. Nothing or no one can prepare you for the heartbreaks you will face. I waited 28 long years to find my daughter only to lose her again and I have to face the facts that it was mostly my fault. I now realize that she was not asking much of me,only that I share in her life with her family that adopted her and raised her. I now know that was not a lot for her to ask of me. I hope that by sharing my story I can help other birth mothers not make that mistake in life. If you have a second chance you must do everything that you can to keep the lines of communication open between you and your child,this is so important for both of you. I can only hope that one day my daughter will be able to forgive me for the things that I have done to her. I am trying every day to forgive myself and it is not easy. I wish that there were people out there to help birth mothers in times like this so that reunions would not go so wrong. Birth mothers go through so much in their lives and they deserve a little help.
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