Pain of healing

I remember the first time I saw you after all those years.
You were as handsome as ever, yet changed so much.
I felt the attraction immediately as if no time had passed.

A year before that, almost to the day. We saw each other briefly but did not talk.
I had to sit down in front of you as you watched me with my family.
I will never forget the nod we gave each other or the look after I started laughing.
At that time the Lord spoke to me and told me to forgive you for all that had been done.
I decided to forgive you as the Lord asked.
You started to hate me because you did not realize why I was laughing.
Little did you know that I was laughing because I knew what the Lord was doing and it felt so good.
It's sad that when my healing started your hatred began.

When I saw you again I knew that we were meant to be friends & perhaps lovers.
We had a heck of a rollercoaster ride!
UP and DOWN UP and DOWN.

We had both made so many mistakes and were afraid to jump in.
I know the pain that it causes; I was an emotional wreck for a year.
I did not know what you wanted from me.
One minute you wanted me then you said you were afraid
especially because of the past.
Then it was like OK if I am accepted maybe we can have something-
then too NO there is to much history and I am afraid to trust. Without trust we have nothing!
Maybe in the future there could be something but not right now. Who knows what God will bring.

I am not sure if it is an excuse or what.
I see how you look at me.
I see what your eyes and body language say.
I see the love. I also see the fear.
I have now started to let go and let God and the pain seems to ease away.
I am so glad that the Lord has put you back in my life.
I don't know why or what it all means.
I just know that the heart you and I created will benefit from it.
Maybe-just maybe-our hearts will also.

Story ID:	219
Written by:	Debbi Denis (bio, contact, other stories)
Story type:	Musings, Essays and Such
Location:	SE Ga USA
Year:	2006