'THE BEAST ON WHEELS'

‘THE BEAST ON WHEELS’

I suppose I could look at this whole experience philosophically and say that it is a fortunate thing that I have had better relationships with pets, people, houses and so on, than I have had with cars. However, when I recall this experience I cannot find anything positive about it, so I will share it with you and lessen my own burden.

Sometime in the mid 1980s, it became quite apparent that our household needed a second vehicle. The children were growing, everybody was running in different directions, and managing transportation was just plain chaotic. So just before Christmas, the exact year is blocked from my mind, my husband purchased a large, long,snow-covered station wagon. We never knew the roof wasn’t white until the ice and snow melted during a January thaw. As a matter of fact we did not know a lot of things about this $500.00 car. The price was right, we only needed it until June when we would be upgrading our family vehicle, and our son was leaving for Alberta.

Just as slick as that, and covered in ice and snow, we had this long hearse-like creation in our driveway. It looked like something that should have been in the ‘Ben Hur’ movie-I was not amused! Now as an aside, I must tell you that I had never known this husband of mine to purchase any vehicle, or anything for that matter, not ever, without consulting ten consumer guide magazines, a previous owner if it was a used vehicle, and he having a good mechanic give it a thorough inspection before he handed over one cent of his money. It had to have been a moment of temporary insanity, or ‘festive fever’, for him to acquire that beast. I am leaning toward the latter!

One evening, in the bitter cold and snow, I stuck a big red bow on it, much to the delight of our teenagers. It attracted a great deal of attention, and looked festive, so I was all set to go, snow or no snow, when January 2nd came and I had to return to work. I anticipated a less stressful life re: transportation issues. How very deluded I was!

The New Year arrived, and again the correct year is totally erased from my memory bank, the non-stop problems began. The first one was pulling up at a gas station with a friend in the beast with me, rolling down the window to order gas, and the whole glass of the window fell down into the door! Gone! Absolutely nothing we could do, we laughed our way to town, frozen to the core, and relied on the laughter to keep us warm.

That was just the beginning! Once that was fixed, the beast started on me again.
Actually things were worse after the window episode. The gas gauge registered half full, but actually it was empty, causing me to have to walk a few kilometers to my house from where it died during a torrential downpour of rain. I was not amused! The Nursing team I worked with had bets made on how long it would take for me to really 'lose it completely', mainly because they knew me well.

The beast kept up the pressure on my disintegrating mind. I left for work one morning and just drove about half a kilometer from my house, when ‘Swoosh’, it had a flat tire! The glove compartment door fell off, the interior light stayed on continuously, the horn stuck and attracted a crowd-much to my dismay, the exhaust system fell off one night and I was so angry I kept driving, watching the sparks caused by the metal being dragged on the frozen pavement.

Then the steering wheel froze solid, the brakes seized up, the windshield cracked, and on and on it went. It was one long nonstop source of stress and exasperation. But one by one things got fixed. I would rant, and would be told “It’s only a car!” and that would make me rant even more. Yes, it was only a darn car, and it was ruining my life. I thought I could make it to June, but there was no chance. I knew that by February.

You have heard of the ‘straw that broke the camels’ back’ I assume? Well, this camel got the straw around mid March. I left for work in a fresh white uniform, stepped into the beast, and believing I would be OK today-maybe! I turned up the radio, and then the a tire went flat. I found a neighbour to help me and got back on the road, realizing I had grease on my lovely whites. Then the radio starting humming like the raucous call of an angry crow, and I could not turn it off. Thankfully I was nearing my workplace so I ignored the noise. Most mothers can do that.

Then, arriving at the hospital where I worked, I turned the wheel to go into our staff parking lot, and the beast would not turn! So up over the lawn I went, where, between my actions with the wheel, and the car fighting me, we spun around like the proverbial spin top, tore up grass and created quite a commotion. Finally I got it maneuvered into the parking lot. Then to my horror of horrors, the beast kept going! I had no brakes! She bounced me over two curbs in the, thankfully, almost empty parking lot, started up an incline, ran out of power and slid back into a parking place. It gasped a sound somewhat like a sigh, a hubcap fell off, steam came from under the hood, then came a loud ‘Bang’, and I knew my relationship with the vengeful beast had come to an end.

I stepped out of the hateful vehicle, saw a piece of chrome hanging off the side of it,and with every bit of strength I could muster I pulled hard and tore it off completely. I proceeded to beat the thing into submission with the stick of chrome. At least I felt better, but silently prayed that nobody was watching me in my demented state! Then I left it there with the keys still in it, went inside the hospital and promptly called home to say that the ‘BEAST’ was ‘fini’ for me, and I would never drive it again. And I didn’t! My dear husband was quite amused which made my anger turn to rage. I told him he would have to come and retrieve it, because I really did mean what I said, using some not so nice words that accompany rage.

Later, and under cover of darkness my husband came with a friend and took the brute home. The ugly old bucket of bolts sat in the driveway until May. Nobody drove it, and nobody wanted to go near it. Then one of my children was selling a bicycle they had outgrown, and I have no idea of the business deal, but someone came to buy the bike, had a chat with my husband, and drove away in the ‘Blue Beast’.

It was over, and I never wanted to see it again.

So, of course, the time came for our family when the discussion came up about the car and all the frustration and trouble ‘Mom’ had suffered with it.

Then my son spoke up and said “Didn’t see me driving it did ya?” ‘Ya’ was the word for that month.

“No, and why is that kind sir?” I inquired.

“Because,” he stated, “that car had one bad attitude. I knew it as soon as I saw it!”

“So, you let your mother suffer through it, is that it?”, I asked sarcastically.

“ Ya, I know bad attitude when I see it,” he had the nerve to say.

Then I remembered all the times he refused a ride to school in the ‘beast’, and realized he had never asked to have it for the next date, or the next ball game. All he did was laugh!

So, when I regained my mental health, the $500.00 station wagon was worth a million dollars in laughter, and a revelation that a young boy had sense enough to know when something was just plain ‘rotten’. It provided another chapter in our family memory book.

So that is the story of ‘Bonnie and the Beast’ as opposed to ‘Beauty and the Beast’.

And now that I told you all I feel tremendously better.

Thank you.
Bonnie Jarvis-Lowe,

Story ID:	2107
Written by:	Bonnie Jarvis-Lowe (bio, link, contact, other stories)
Organization:	Retired RN/Freelance Writer and Photographer
Story type:	Family Memories
Writers Conference:	$500 2007 Family Memories Writing Project
Location:	Clarenville, Newfoundland and Labrador Newfoundland and Labrador Canada
Year:	1988
Person:	Myself and a vengeful motor vehicle