ABDUCTED BY A RED HATTER

ABDUCTED BY A RED-HATTER
By,
Kathleene S. Baker

“On the Road” with Charles Kuralt was one of my husband’s favorite TV shows, and I admit it was enjoyable, especially for those of us who live in big cities. We sometimes forget about the back roads, small towns, and beautiful scenery; we just fly down the interstates to reach our destination as quickly as possible.

Jerry, my husband, is in la-la-land when driving the back roads, old two-lane highways, and farm-to-market roads; and he does just that when given the chance. Stopping at Mom-and-Pop cafes, fruit stands, and simply visiting with “local folk” always sends him home with a lively story, or two, or more. He’s definitely a Charles Kuralt “wanna-be.”

He’s had some pretty exciting and unusual adventures in rural Texas. Unfortunately, getting lost happens all too frequently, usually in areas with no cell towers for miles. One memorable trip involved being chased by a pack of wild dogs through an overgrown country cemetery. Luckily he made it to the car just in the nick of time, and with the seat of his pants still in tact! And, once he stopped to help in a cattle roundup! A herd had broken through a fence and just been discovered by their owner as he drove down the road on his tractor. About then Jerry came cruising around a bend in the road, singing “On The Road Again” along with Willie Nelson. The farmer waved him down, asked for help, and they went right to work. There they were, herding cattle with a tractor and Jerry as “backup man” in a Lexus! Just envision that.

His last journey resulted in being abducted! Yep—by a Red Hatter of approximately 75 years of age! How does he find all this excitement out in the middle of nowhere? While driving between Idalou (pop. 2,157) and Lorenzo (pop. 1,372), he noticed a lone building surrounded by cotton fields and apple orchards. The unusual thing was the number of vehicles parked in front—right out there in the middle of nowhere. It appeared to be a gift shop of sorts, so he pulled in to see what all the commotion was and to stretch his legs. The sign in front read: Apple Country.

Once inside, he began visiting with an employee as he studied the various jams and jellies for sale. But where were all the people that belonged to all those autos? He was the only person in the shop! Finally the sales lady explained that the Red Hatters were having a meeting in their back room. At that very moment a little Red Hatter snuck up behind him, grabbed his arm, and chirped, “I heard you askin’ about us. Well, ya know this is a rural area, so our chapter is made up of ladies from small towns all around the county.”

He was not only startled by her, but at a loss for words as he didn’t even know what the term “Red Hatter” stood for. He gawked at her wild red hat and finally mumbled something along the lines of, “Is this meetin’ for fun, or is something illegal going on here?” The Red Hatter giggled, her eyes started twinkling, and she knew she’d found some unexpected entertainment to jazz up their meeting.

She grabbed Jerry by the hand and dragged him towards the back. “Come along now, son, I just can’t wait for all the girls to meet ya!” she snickered. Being a gentleman he couldn’t scuffle with this tiny gal, and she continued to pull and tug until they entered a room in the back. To his amazement he was now in a room full of red hats and purple clothing, and was being introduced. “Ladies, ladies, this man is from Dallas and wanted to say hi to y’all.” The entire group waved, hollered, and laughed. Those Red Hatters are definitely not the shy type!

Little did they know, but Jerry isn’t the shy type either; he rather likes women and especially feisty senior citizens. “Don’t pay any attention to me ladies—I just stopped by to see if I was really gone!” Another round of laughter erupted as well as more waving and clapping. He went on to tell them his name, that he’d been out their way on business, and at some point charmed them with, “Looking out there at all you beautiful ladies— makes me feel like I must have died and gone to heaven—and this has got to be recess!”

He was barely through the door that evening when he started telling me about the Red Hatters, although he still had no idea who they were. Once I reminded him of my favorite poem—it struck him light a bolt of lightening! “But, you didn’t ever tell me they actually had an organization,” he said, “I just thought it was a poem you liked.” I could tell by the enthusiasm in his voice that stumbling upon these lively ladies had “made his day.” No doubt, they probably felt the same way, at least I hope so.

I don’t imagine those jovial little gals expect to see Jerry again but I ‘m certain they will at some point. He travels that route several times a year calling on clients, and he’s going to be keeping an eye on the parking area at Apple Country. One of these days he’ll barge into their meeting with, “Hi ya ladies, I’m back.” For some strange reason, he’s convinced himself they made him an Honorary Member that afternoon…

©2005 Kathleene S. Baker
Lnstrlady@aol.com
www.txyellowrose.com

Story ID:	1968
Written by:	Kathleene S Baker (bio, link, contact, other stories)
Story type:	Family Memories
Location:	Rural area Texas USA
Year:	2005
Person:	Jerry