First loves, lifetime memories

She was only 13, I thought her too young to date, but she swore she “really loved” him. She had met him at her church group, he was her best friends cousin. He came to the house and shook my husbands hand, he was polite and respectful, he treated her very well. They went to different schools, so church was the only place they spent any time together. Young love is a fleeting thing. She broke up with him a few months later because he was “too sweet”. He was very affectionate, always touching her hair, caressing her cheek. (She never saw that sort of thing at home, my husband is not that sweet.) Shortly after the break up, we moved to a different town and she found out that he had had other girlfriends before her, and that he had cheated on them. So she never talked to him again. She was sorry that she hurt him, sometimes she still wondered, and she missed him sometimes to. But when we saw him on the news, it really knocked us for a loop. We had known that his home life was not pleasant, we did not know that it was so cruel. He did not seem angry, and never violent. He always seemed kind of sad. She told me how he cried, and that it was hard for her to comfort him, because she did not understand. There were things he could not tell her. The boy described in the paper, was not the same one she had loved. If only we had known how badly he needed help, if anyone had listened, if he had not been so afraid, the teacher would not be dead and the boy's life would not be ruined. The if only's can not bring back the man, can not change the child's fate, can not change the choice he made. She has if only's of her own, and I certainly have mine, I hope other people have some too. I will not point a finger, I really have no right. I only knew him briefly, and not very well, but I believe he is a good boy and could still become a good man. The crime that he committed, it could have been avoided. The circumstances of his life helped to cause his decision, he believed he had no other choice, from what I understand. She watches the news and she reads the paper, she wrote him a letter, and offered him a friend. At her new school they talk about him and condemn him for his crime, yet she stands strong for her friend. What he did was wrong, but the blame is not just his. I am proud of her compassion, I am grateful for her resilience. She has learned from this experience and is stronger for it. She could have been so damaged, so hurt and so confused. But her honesty and empathy have brought her safely through.

If you have not read the post titled “Now he's gone” by my daughter Kelyn May, please do. The poem is about her first boyfriend. She wrote that poem about 5 months ago. In the news recently, you may have heard about the boy from Weston School, who shot and killed the principal, Eric Hainstock, he is the boy Kelyn wrote about. I just wanted to share my pride in my girl. She will 15 this winter, but the maturity she has shown in dealing with this situation amazes me. There are not many young girls who could deal so well with the fact that their “first love” became a murderer. She has been honest about her feelings with her friends, with me, with our family and most importantly, with herself. She has shown incredible compassion and sympathy for Eric, she is giving friendship and support to him when not many others are. She gets a little angry about some of the things that have been reported, but she talks to me about it and I am very grateful for that trust. She is fully aware that no matter how hurt and confused and afraid Eric was, he still had no right to take someones life. He made the decision and the consequence are his to accept, the blame for his state of mind is not.
Please keep my Kelyn in your thoughts for a while, the support will help keep her spirit strong.

Thanks!!
Cathi

Story ID:	1021
Written by:	Catherine AimeeRuth Grainger (bio, link, contact, other stories)
Story type:	OurEcho Community
Location:	Mauston WI USA
Year:	2006